Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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