i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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