i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
