This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
