I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
