Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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