If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
