She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
