imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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