There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
