Ambien. No doubt about it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
