Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
