youre lurking in front of me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
