Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
