five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
