WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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