God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
