you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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