I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
