You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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