I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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