When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
