captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
