party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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