Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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