she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
