ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
