Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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