Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
