I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize