She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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