My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
