I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize