Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
