Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
