Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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