is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
