stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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