Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
