My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
