Whod you bang
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
