Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize