I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
