I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
