I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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