Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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