You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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