U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
