turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
