remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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