he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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