I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Panties = found
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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