Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize