Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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