i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize