Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
