I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize