I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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