singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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