so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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