I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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