dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
