look no pants
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
