dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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