The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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