I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
