i barfeds in our rink
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
