I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
