Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
