Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
