a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
