so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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