Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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