I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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