I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
