My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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