New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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