Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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