im six kinds of drunk right now
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
