can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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