So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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