mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
